Non fiction

Logbook of a condom in a fresher's pocket on an ordinary Saturday night

7.30 – I’m writing this from the underwear drawer. If what I hear out there is right, Simon has started to get ready. I know it because he always uses the same ritual: He takes a shower with Calvin Harris playing in the background.
8.00 – Simon just opened the drawer to dress himself, looked at me and hesitated about grabbing me... Come on, man. Do not deliberate. I know we’ve known each other for a couple of months, I've walked around the city with you and I haven’t been used yet, but now you cannot fall apart. Our friendship was forged based on failure, but I have a feeling that tonight's going to be yours.
8.05 – Finally he’s grabbed me and here I am, in his left back pocket. You have a nice ass, man. Soft, silky... Those girls are missing out so bad, dude. If you’re lucky enough, you won’t end playing a hand solo when we come back tonight.
9.30 – Okay, here we go. I cannot see anything, but this house where Simon is having the pre-drinks seems to be busy as hell. I recognize some familiar voices, your friends... Hold on a second. It's her! Come on, Simon, attack! The last time you were about to end the night with her.
10.30 – That's it, buddy. Everything is going without a hitch. Alcohol makes you uninhibited so you can tell your most glorious jokes. Also, she is laughing a lot. I see her being very receptive, man.
11.30 – It’s cold out here in the streets. I want Simon to enter the club and show those new dance moves he’s been practicing all week. She will melt when she sees it.
00.30 – Third visit to the bathroom. I do not like this at all.
00.45 – Hey! What was that? Wait... Simon, did someone just touch your ass?
00.57 – It is impossible to concentrate and write with this deafening music...
1.50 – You're really on some strange drugs, dude. You better stop and focus on our common goal or you are not succeeding tonight. That’s it, invite her for a drink. No! Shut up and smile!
2.30 – Simon has gone out to smoke with her. Come on, go ahead ... Kiss her.
2.31 – JACKPOT. Not sleeping alone tonight, Casanova. I'll miss you, man.
2.50 – Again in the bathroom. And with her. I think this will be my last update... Wait, what? Simon... Are you... throwing up? Is this going to happen again? Get it together, mate.
2.53 – Yeah, right, now started crying. Fantastic.
...
...
...
4.15 – I'm back in the underwear drawer. Simon is a disaster.

Reflection

The title is pretty self-explanatory.

I wanted to put an external agent from a sober point of view, in order to analyze a fresher’s behaviour when going out partying.

The choice of a condom in his pocket as a narrator seemed great for me because it is absurd and could be exciting.

Simon is my flatmate, he upsets me, so that’s why I put that name to the main character.

Of course, everything that happens in this story is not autobiographical (holds his laughter).

Jesus Martinez