Non fiction

I threw myself in the river because my shoes didn't suit me.

You put your hands round my throat and threaten to kill me if I don't make a portrait of you.

Do you know what pandemonium means?

This is a great night.

Pandemonium means the capital of hell!

y gallwch ei deall hyn?

If I was a woman I'd dress like you; You can come shopping and watch me.

We just dominated the juke box for 3.5 hours.

- You should study more Dylan if you want to succeed as a successful beat poet.

- You would make Daniel Craig want to study in Sheffield.

- Everything about you screams madhead.

What's for tea do you know?
Turkey breadcrumb things with salad and strawberry trifle for afters.
What with like potatoes or something?
No, just with salad
oh no
with potatoes.
how did you forget you had potatoes?!

I have a stick to beat off the women as I walk home.
I get so many weirdos on my case,
it's so annoying.

I want to be friends with good souls,
I wouldn't be able to decide between ploughmans sandwiches and tea.

Over the summer lets learn loads of Kate Nash covers
and call ourselves Gate Crash.

You are weird love.

I have no money really.
I can't, no money.
No money.
It's such a waste of money. Right on the money.
I wish I had money.
I need money.
He works he's got money.
I don't want to talk about money anymore.
I can take a joke but not about money.

I am too cool to show any form of emotion so I dressed as a sad clown and moped on a sofa.

omg its like
someones actually
painted her
its like in high school
when you try and
paint skin colour

You're quite a funny drunk actually. You sort of smile and fall over and that's it.

Nice face.
Aw thanks.
My bank account requires that I work with chicken.

Don't get shanked;
your hair looks lovely on a horse.