Non fiction

Valentine

Characters
1
2

1 It’s not what you think.

2 It’s a vase.

1 ...

2 It’s a vase. Isn’t it. It’s a vase.

1 Define vase.

2 A pot for holding flowers. Sometimes glass, plastic or ceramic.

1 Yes. Yes it’s a vase. I didn’t think you’d think it was a vase. I thought you’d think it was something else.

2 Like what?

1 I don’t know. A teapot. An urn.

2 You thought I’d think of a funeral urn before I thought of a vase?

1 Maybe a carafe.

2 I don’t own an AGA. A vase is not a carafe.

1 Well I thought...I’m sorry.

2 That I guessed it? Why are you sorry I guessed that it was a vase? I mean, it’s not as if I worked out some great cosmic secret. That is a vase, it is not the secret of fire.

1 No, not that. Just the surprise. You like surprises.

2 We all do.

1 Well this would have been a surprise. You would have said ‘it’s a teapot’ and I would have said ‘No! It’s a vase!’ We would have laughed.

2 Would we.

1 I would have.

2 Well I’m sorry. Obviously I didn’t think. But it wouldn’t have been fun if I’d have pretended not to know what it was. If I’d have said ‘it’s a teapot’ but I knew it was a vase. I’d have lied.

1 Yes.

2 Really you want me to be a different person don’t you? You want me to be more gullible. You want every day to be Christmas Morning before the presents are unwrapped. I’m not like that.
1 Wait.

2 Why?

1 What’s in the vase?

2 Roses. What did you expect me to say? Tulips? I knew that they were roses.

1 You don’t know everything. Take the roses out.

2 Why?

1 ...

2 Oh alright. Here. What? What?

1 You don’t know everything.

2 What’s in it? What...oh!

1 It opens at the front.

2 Oh!

1 7 carot. Cut.

2 It’s not...

1 No. I couldn’t afford it. I’m sorry. Glass. Do you...

2 Yes.

1 You do?

2 I do like it.

1 Ah, but do you...

2 Oh! Yes.

1 You will?

2 Yes. Yes I will. Even if I know it’s a vase.

1 It’s not a vase.

2 What?

1 It’s a teapot.

2 What?

1 It’s a teapot.

Doug Dunn