Non fiction

I wanted to hold your hand as we edged through the dark, whispering and laughing, but I didn't have the courage. It never would have worked.

Les Cotils

An elegant Victorian country house, this hotel and Christian centre lies in the busy capital parish of St. Peter Port, but is itself tranquil and surrounded by twelve acres of land. Until the German invasion Les Cotils was run by nuns as a school and farm, after which they ran a hospital for the elderly and infirm. Despite a brief break during the war, this continued into the 1980s until the nuns decided to leave due to a lack of members. The building is now a hotel and non-denominational meeting place, which houses a day-care centre run by the local Health Board.

I went once a fortnight to see you in that strange little library, sitting awkwardly and crying in a wingback chair, surrounded by books. I felt like I didn't deserve therapy the first time, but I came here for two years.

Port Soif

Port Soif beach is a hotspot for wildlife as it teems with rock pools. This area is important for the conservation of wetland plant species and it is home to the rare bee orchid and sand crocus, which can be found in the dunes. The beach is shaped like a basin, carved into the coastline and sheltered by grassy headland. Water is let in by a narrow gap between Grandes Rocques and Portinfer.

You sat between my outstretched legs and leaned back into me, your hair brushing against my cheek. I wanted to distil the moment, capture the warm breeze and the sea sounds and the comforting smell of you. I wanted to experience the love and warmth in a never-ending loop.

Sunken Gardens

The Sunken Gardens, known officially as St. James's Gardens, was built into the ground in 1972, after the demolition of St. Paul's Methodist Church. Now the site is a small, green sanctuary for those living and working in town (capital parish St. Peter Port). In April 2009, a team of locals regenerated the gardens, renewing the grass and other plants. Around this time, the local police, stationed a short distance away, declared the gardens an alcohol- free zone in the hopes of deterring vandalism and anti-social behaviour.

I spent nearly every teenage Saturday here, the sunken solace housing an assortment of misfits. That is, when we weren't terrorising the bus terminus or being shooed out of shops. The Sunken Gardens were a microcosm of Guernsey's subcultures: emos smoked with chavs, goths conversed with nerds, and there was even a group called the ‘Guernsey Pirates’, who dressed for the part and operated on an economy of errand- running and casual violence. Nowadays, it's a popular spot for workers on their lunch. There's even grass again.

Vazon Beach

Vazon is one of Guernsey's largest and most popular beaches among tourists and locals alike. A whole section of its coastline is dedicated to surfers as this point of the island offers some of the best surf in the UK. The Richmond end of Vazon, less popular with beachgoers, is open to dogs all year round, whereas most beaches ban dogs during the summer months. During the summer the beach is closed periodically for sand racing and the road is occasionally closed so that cars and motorbikes can test their luck against the clock, riding reckless on the sun-hot tarmac.

We walked along here after you were put to sleep, soft head cradled by our hands as your breathing faltered and your heavy eyes flickered shut, completely at odds with your usual speed and grace, your endearingly grouchy personality, how you would rest your head on my shoulder. I didn't know how to feel, what to say, as I shuffled up the sandy hill. You were a good dog.

Guernsey Airport

On May 5th, 1939, La Villiaze airfield began to take over prime farmland, causing controversy with locals. It did not open for general use until 1946, due in part to Nazi occupation. The original airport had four grass runways before a tarmac runway was added in 1960. Aurigny Airlines, originating in the neighbouring island of Alderney, began inter- island flights in 1968 from Guernsey Airport, using bright yellow ‘Islanders’, before moving onto ‘Trislanders’, expanding flights to Southampton and Cherbourg. In 2004 a new terminal was built and the old terminal demolished for additional aircraft stands. An extension to the runway, causing as much controversy over land as the airport's first incarnation, was finished in 2013.

I was so excited to see you I could barely sit still in my seat.

German Military Underground Hospital

The largest construction on the island, the Underground Hospital in St. Andrews was built by the Germans during World War II. The tunnels, rooms, and ventilation shafts were carved out by slave workers, many of whom died before the hospital's completion. There are still metal fittings on the walls of the operation room and simple pallet beds line the wards. The atmosphere down there is cold, dark and dank. Stalagmites have formed on the floors. Many patients of the hospital were reported to be as white as their own sheets after weeks being treated underground.

You listened as I read aloud the side effects from the thin, unfolded piece of white paper, whilst we sat side by side in the car. I set the box down in my lap slowly, handling the innocuous little pills as if they were powdery explosives. I wasn't sure what they would do. I was afraid to tell my family, trust severed by paranoia and a need to protect myself from their lack of understanding. At that time I barely understood it myself, this illness, but you trusted my judgement, sat in the waiting room when I got the prescription. You gave me the strength I lacked in asserting my need for empathy and support. Thank you.